Yoda Was Here

JESUS CHRIST! Who knew? Who knew Halloween was such a big deal? If you don't have your shit locked in by September, your kid's going to be the little dork dressed in the Spiderman costume from Target, without the mask because some asshole stole it. Dally could have been that little dork.

Back in September, I saw a Yoda costume that I thought would be killer. We had originally planned for the dude to be Vader but the Vader for toddlers costume was stupid-looking. A couple of weeks ago, I headed out to Target to pick up his costume and lo and behold, it's sold out - which sucks because that means there are going to be a bunch of other little Yodas out there AND because Dally's got no costume. We could have gone to Old Navy - they always have costumes but while it worked last year for Dally to be a HalloWeenie (a hot dog), their costumes now seem too babyish for the sophisticate that he has grown into.

We tracked a single remaining Yoda costume at the ghetto Target on the other side of town. My mom picked it up, and when I picked her up to go shopping later that day, she said, "I got the costume, but, here's the thing. They gave me ten percent off because the ears are missing." Ten percent off? Target, you cocksucker chain. Half the costume, the half that makes it a Yoda costume and not just a bathrobe, is missing and we get a whopping $1.99 off. My mother, convinced of my craftiness, said I could make the ears. Fine, easy enough. I still think my mom got ripped off but she refused to return the costume.

In typical me fashion, I wait til October 30 to make the costume. I've had the material for a couple of weeks, but I needed those weeks to work up the motivation. Plus, in my mind, it would be a super easy job, because I'm crafty, right? Well, first I had to make my mom a Little Red Riding Hood cape. This is when I was re-introduced to the idea that Leatherface is probably a better seamstress than me. I got the stupid cape done. I think she's only wearing it for a parade early in the morning, so hopefully people will have crust in their eyes and won't look too closely at the seams. Oh, hopefully it doesn't fall apart. I told her it would probably make it through the parade. "But you sewed it together, right?" she asked.

Oh mother, yes, it was sewn, but it wasn't sewn well. And that can make all the difference.

When I started the stupid Yoda ears in the late afternoon, I decided to hand sew - maybe I'd have better results. A professor of mine once said, "Use the right tool for the job." Using a quilting needle was probably not the right tool - but it was all I could find. That sucked. It took me forever to pierce through the fleece. I got lazy and I didn't finish. So no ears for Yoda, right?

Not so fast. Guilt struck at 1am this morning. Back to work I went. I continued the tedious hand sewing but you tend to have less patience at 1am. I convinced myself, "Just try using the sewing machine." Alas, I went back upstairs and went for it. It was disasterous and loud. I suspected Dally would wake up any minute now, telling me how much he hated me for ruining his sleep. But no. I sewed and sewed and I finished the goddamn ears. They're not too pretty. They look like donkey ears or Shrek. But whatever.

You'd think the lesson here is when you see a seasonal item at Target, you should buy it - don't expect it'll be there later. But that's not what I took away from this. My lesson is - GO BIG. Next year, I'm going to make Dally's whole costume! Cross your fingers, for his sake, that I get better at sewing.