Muffin Anyone?

The good news is that I can get into *some* of my pre-pregnancy jeans. The bad news is that it usually involves a disgusting muffin top - which, ladies, if you didn't know, really means just because they zip up, it doesn't mean they FIT you.

During the latter portion of this last pregnancy, my insomnia drove me towards several interesting infommercials. The best one? That's a toss up between the Magic Bullet and P90X. Since I already owned the Magic Bullet, I became fixated on P90X - an extreme workout regimen that lasts 90 days. It's easy to talk a big game when you look like a minke whale but have the excuse of impending childbirth to keep you from doing significant exercise. So I was talking all kinds of smack.

"2010 is the year of great weight loss."

"I'm gonna bring it."

"As God as my witness, I will never be fat again!"

Then the baby was born. I was all excited at first because the pounds seemed to be dropping like prom dresses after midnight. I was thinking, "Dang, if this keeps up, I'll be back to normal in like three weeks." I thought it was all baby weight. Overgrown uterus and shit.

So #2 will be eleven weeks old in two days. Things have slowed DRAMATICALLY. And by dramatically I think the word STAGNANT is in order. This leads me to believe that I can no longer blame this mess on the baby. Nope, this is all me now. And a thousand slices of pizza, about five hundred gallons of ice cream, and fifty pounds of Snickers bars.

For awhile I felt like shit. But then, one day, as I was shopping with my sister, it dawned on me that I don't have to be thin to feel good. I just have to buy bigger clothes. And so I did. I bought bigger jeans and bigger slacks and assorted bigger tops and accessories because those, thankfully, are One Size Fits All.

Here's where this story gets interesting. Remember when I was all pregnant and talking smack about P90X? I just started week three of P90X and the jeans are fitting a little looser.

Things are looking up.

Evolution of a Blog...

As a metaphor for one's expanding family

The URL for this blog used to be knockedupmabel.blogspot.com. Then it became thedallyfiles.blogspot.com. Now, we rest at ialmostfailed.blogspot.com. In case you're new to this rag and you don't want to read the very first post ever, it's based on an episode in my life when I almost failed Human Reproduction - rumored to be the EASIEST class in the NYU catalog. (Gross fallacy.) I have no idea how I passed.

Luckily, I did not fail at actual human reproduction as I managed to squeeze out two unapologetically dashing little monsters. This journey into motherhood has so far yielded a crapload of harsh opinions, strange observations, and plain old smack-talking.

So if you're new, welcome. If you're old, I promise to update this thing more frequently. Maybe.