WAY Before Me

Let's be honest. My chances of failing at this parenting thing are pretty good. It requires a selflessness that I just can't seem to reconcile with. I'll need to be more responsible and considerate. It'll require a discipline that has escaped me since about the time I was six. And, of course, the words I constantly hear over and over and over are Jackie Kennedy's: "If you bungle raising your children, I don't think whatever else you do well matters very much." Fucking great. I've never cared for the late Mrs. Kennedy and now she haunts me with what seems to be an undeniable truth.

Here is how I am already failing as a mother:

1. Sometimes, I forget to take my prenatal vitamin. When I do remember, I am sometimes too lazy to get up and take it.

2. I still drink Diet Coke regularly.

3. I just got highlights. Unsatisfied with the results, I will probably go back to the salon to get more highlights.

4. I decided to re-decorate my bedroom first before starting to work on the nursery.

5. I think I am developing a deep love affair with cheesecake.

6. I never gave up deli meats and I think I eat a corndog every other day.

7. My arguments for not breastfeeding are purely self-serving.

8. There's so much to do to get ready for our new dude but I'd rather watch TV instead.

9. On the top of my post-partum to-do list is "Enjoy a fabulous martini."

10. I still hate sleeping on my left side.

Oh I could go on and on. I don't drink enough water, I should exercise more, I need to put more money away for the kid's college instead of buying myself a new pair of shoes, etc.

Will I ever learn to put the little guy way before me? Does one give birth to that instinct along with the placenta? Quien sabe.