Name That Two

One of the dumbest things I've ever done in my life is to utter these words: "No, but we're open to suggestions." And the magic question that prompted such a response?

"Oh have you guys got a name?"

No, we didn't think of a name. According to our master plan, I shouldn't even be pregnant right now. We should still be trying.

So we've been calling the growth in my midsection Little Two. John calls me Little One so it would make sense that Little Two would be called Little Two. Duh.

In the meantime, we have opened the flood gates for the dumbest, most inapropriate, and just plain lame suggestions for names. Right away, one person was banned from offering ideas - my mother. Jesus Christ, you'd think the lady would know a thing or two about her kid and that her kid would never name her grandkid names plucked from the grounds of Versaille.

Then there's that one relative who's insisting we name our kid a certain name that we'd suggested awhile ago. Before, I'm pretty sure she thought the name was dumb. After watching some movie that happened to show this character with said name in a positive light, she's had a change of heart. She is now actually calling my kid that. Are you kidding me?

And, of course, all the ideas that John and I have, and have shared with others, get shot down or ridiculed.

My friend Aine's signature response to "How about XXXXXX?" is "How about not?"

Nice, people.

Now I may be an asshole when it comes to a lot of things, but I know I have never told someone who was expecting that their future child's name was retarded. (Which is not to say that I hadn't thought it).

My friend Doug gave me the most valuable piece of advice - once you pick a name, don't tell anyone until the kid's born. He said when he and his wife first started telling people what they were going to name their daughter, they got the most jacked up responses from some people in the vain of, "You're going to name her that!?!?!?" (Which, p.s. is insane because they gave their daughter one of the coolest names I have ever heard.)

But at this point, the contest is over. (Aine's boss - a man I have never met - said whoever picks the name for the kid - gets breakfast). John and I settled on a name last night for our little boy. And, for the record, we'll be buying each other breakfast because we came up with the name together, on our own. It's a special name to us and when my kid asks where his name came from, there will be more of a story to it than, "We just liked it."

And while I'm sure that behind our backs, people will wince at the name, call it weird, or roll their eyes, I can't hold it against them. Lord knows I've heard my share of stupid baby names. That's Karma for you.

But for now you can keep calling the kid Little Two. Actually, for another five months.