I just read this piece about how during pregnancy all these people volunteer to babysit and when the little booger finally comes into the world, people head for the hills, or the casino. This makes me feel better for believing that my mom is full of crap. She talks a good game. "I need to get a crib for the house." "I'm going to put up some baby decor on the walls." "I need to buy out Babies 'R' Us so that the baby has everything he needs here." She has somehow managed to convince herself that she will sacrifice her super cool life to take care of "our baby" as she calls him. I say, emphatically, "YEAH RIGHT."
My mom has way more of a life than I do. Her job can be likened to the commander-in-chief of a small nation. So even if her thriving social life went on hiatus, she still has her professional obligations that make it impossible to get a hold of her before 7pm (and that's if I'm lucky). Therefore, I am skeptical that my dear mother will actually step up to the plate when John and I want to go to chicken wing night or check out the new Denzel movie.
A few other friends have also volunteered their super nanny services, but I don't believe them. Not that I'm bothered by this. Just as I never offer to help people move - in fact I make it clear that I DON'T help people move - I never offer to help take care of children. After all, children are rude and dirty and cry babies. If I have to put up with any of those qualities, I better be permitted to scold, bathe, and pacify with controlled substances (joking, people). The only way you can do that stuff while avoiding any kind of awkwardness is if that kid belongs to you. So let's just say I'm saving myself for my own little monster. It's karmic.
Oh, it's also that I won't trust anyone with my first-born. The second kid will be a different story...
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